Never mind that HMRC’s own estimates blow a hole in his sums, assessing his buffet of inducements at about £10bn more than budgeted. Within these four wood-panelled walls, anything goes. The questions will be softball and the banter will be legendary. No mate, no no mate, hear me out. You know how Labour took 450,000 children out of poverty? What if we put them back in … and spent the money on pints for the lads instead?