The conventional wisdom is that trying to change a partner is a sign of dissatisfaction, but it’s more nuanced than that. “First, trying to change a spouse is a sign of trouble, that one is unhappy, but once that pattern gets established, stopping any attempts is a bigger warning light,” says Dr Lee Baucom, a therapist and host of The Save the Marriage Podcast. “It indicates they have started distancing.” He continues: “They haven’t seen any change that sticks, so they pull away from the relationship.”